It should be no surprise that I’m typing this at 5:44am…ideas buzzing around in my head and all of these options swirling around have me in an anxious daze.
I’m burned out, crispy, deep fried. I feel like the last two years with Covid pandemic have just weighed down on me and exacerbated the isolation that I’ve felt since dropping off the face of the working world six years ago. I didn’t know how much being a part of a working whole, a team, being in the flow of kids and colleagues I would miss.
I absolutely don’t miss the politics, the fast treadmill pace of the day to day, nor the inability to change the system for it to work for all kids. Reflecting on my last year of teaching, there is no way I would have stayed longer than that year any way. In talking to teachers who are still there, the same ol' patterns exist and will continue to hamper the amazing things that school could do!
Good riddance…
Now to figure out how to create colleagues and a sense of belonging in my next moves.
I’ve been selling my jewelry for four years…four years! I have never paid myself, so no wonder when I think about my biz it feels like a heavy sweater that I can’t breathe in.
The impulsive part of me just says, “Kill it. Pull it all down right now and move on.”
The practical side of me says, “You still have tons of inventory, wait until holiday season when people are excited about buying gifts and exit on a better note.”
The emotional and romantic part of me doesn’t want to give any of it up…still trying to figure out how to continue to connect with my passion for silversmithing during the times when I just don’t feel inspired to make anything.
After reading Big Magic, I vowed not to make a biz out of my paintings because it sapped my creativity. I chose to sell my jewelry because I knew I could make pieces quickly during my daughter's naps, and since I’ve been making jewelry since I was little.
Well, I’m at the realization that I can’t (and shouldn’t) keep this going. I’m in in debt, it’s not fun anymore and I’m embarrassed to take in my tax returns anymore.
What the HELL did I do?
I took most of July and August off (with a nice exception to fulfill wholesale orders) and just learn some more. Yes, that equals paying more money for courses and trainings. I have to say that some of the trainings have blown my mind on a conceptual level!
What I came up with is: I WANT to create, NEED to create, LOVE connecting with women around art and emotions that it brings up for them, all the while empowering them (and myself) to stop and take note of the experiences that have brought us into whatever age we are.
In some ways, my art has followed my own desire to reclaim my roots at a time of being unrooted, having a baby and leaving my career and colleagues to stay at home with her.
My original goal was to create jewelry that married the ruggedness of leather with the, sometimes, delicate nature of metal and stone. The embodiment of Northwest and Southwest styles that define me.
While focusing solely on jewelry allowed me to get my feet wet running an art business, it didn't fully embody my artistic spirit...I appear to be feeling stagnate too. This ol' creative brain of mine LOVES art expression in many forms: painting, photography, jewelry, fabric, landscape design, etc.
How can I contain my designs to one medium....but how can I be the fullest expression of myself and not overwhelm my community?! Gah!
Could I pull in more of my skills, like teaching into what I'm doing now?
Could I create opportunities to connect with people in person and online that are fulfilling and serve people alongside creating jewelry that expresses peoples' identity and love of wearing art?
I think I can!
I feel like this will be a thread I'll need to explore in further posts, but for now, I'm talking myself off the ledge of chucking this beautiful, wandering, exploring journey into the abyss...yay!
Connect with me on FB @windandthewanderershop or IG @windandthewandererart to let me know if you've had a similar experience...and what you did!